"You Say It's Your Birthday..."

So, today is my birthday....but I'm feelin' kinda poopy for some reason. It's definitely a milestone birthday, but that's not the "issue". I'm doing my best trying to hold onto those "it's going to be a great day" thoughts, but they aren't wanting to hang onto me. Oh, well. Maybe it WON'T be a great day, and that's okay.

I think PART of what's getting me down is that many of my good friends and all my family are away from me...either out of town temporarily (surely they didn't vacate today on purpose!) or they just live too far away to join me for lunch. Don't get me wrong, I have good friends around me, people who want good things for me and would never wish ill winds to blow upon me, and for them, I am MOST grateful. Simply put, there are others that I want near me, too, and it 'ain't gonna happen'.

I have come to discover in my 40 years now (as of 2:13pm according to my mother) that friends make the world go 'round. I used to think that I could make it on my own, just me and my cats, content as the proverbial pig in slop. Life doesn't work when you're alone, though. I mean, think about it...when I need to go out of town, who's going to feed the cats for me? :)

One of my latest discoveries, however, is that in order to have friends, one must BE a friend...they aren't just magically thrown at you as the earth turns. One must call in order to receive calls...one must visit before one is visited...one must gift before one is gifted - well, you know what I mean. (In other words, one must feed the cats of others out of town before ones cats get fed.)

I think the crux of the poopiness, or a big part, at least, is that I have realized I've not been as good a friend as I want to have. No one wants to realize they aren't as 'good' as they think they are...especially on their birthday...so here I am, wishing I'd have been a better friend and thinking that the world would have served me up a little different kharma today if it were true. Maybe so, maybe not...I certainly can't go back and change things now. But, there is the future...and God willing, I'll figure it all out before I am divinely called back for overhaulin'.

My Cats

The best in the world that one can hope for is to be understood...or at least intently listened to. I suppose that's why I enjoy the company of my cats so much. I have no idea if they understand me - though I know they know the words "bird" and "eat" - but I have most definitely convinced myself that they hang onto every word I speak. And this self-convincing has ultimately led to my acceptance that they understand me better and more often than most "other people". Any idiot can let fly a random string of words that works for him/her, but this idiot lives for those truly golden moments when my random chains of brilliance are linked together within someone else.