I Finally Feel Like a Scholastic "Adult"

Well, this LSU Tiger is one relieved kitty. Last Thursday was my final required student recital, this past Wednesday morning was my oral general exam (the last portion of my general exam...basically, the final exam of everything that I've studied in music up to this point), and last night I sang a beautiful Mahler piece, "Um Mitternacht", with the LSU Wind Ensemble. It was a lot to do within a week's time, but somehow I managed it, with God's help.

The interesting thing is that, upon waking this morning, I realized that I have no homework, no test to study for and no music to practice. It's strange...and WONDERFUL!!!

I am SO grateful for the success I've experienced in the past week, and I owe it all to the strength and endurance I've been blessed with lately. Normally, I would have much less hair (yes, my hair falls out when I'm super-stressed...it's quite lovely), but this time, God blessed me with all the above AND keeping my hair. :) Thank you, God, for EVERYTHING.

So, my plan for the upcoming weekend includes renting movies (which I will more than likely watch in my undies and a hair clippy - period), going out to eat (I will, of course, dress appropriately for this) and futzing around the house a lot, annoying my kitties. I predict it's going to be a truly spectacular weekend...I'm wondering if I can finagle that expensive seafood buffet out of the hubby....hmm... :)

I wish to extend a HUGE thanks to everyone who supported and encouraged me, and stood by my side during the past several years of school and the time when I was just trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life. To my dear husband who pushes me when I believe I have nothing left because he sees the best in me when I don't sometimes ... To my loving Mom who set the example of forward motion, no matter what ... To my protective Dad who loves and supports me and is always proud of my accomplishments ... To my best friend Christie who I know in my heart of hearts is always by my side and a phone call away ... To Jami and Rosella whose friendship and support through this "thing" they call a doctorate have been priceless ... To God who blesses me abundantly without reason! ... Thank you ALL.

My Recital

Tonight is an important night. I'm giving my second doctoral recital at 6:00pm. I have my music memorized...pretty much. (Clarification...when my mind is engaged like it needs to be, I can get through my music without a problem.) I have my program notes ready to be copied, and I've bought gifts for everyone who needs one, with one exception...will do that this afternoon.

The problem now is that I'm incredibly anxious. (And I suggest you read the word "anxious" as deriving from the same root as "anxiety" and having little to do with the more commonly assumed definition that is closer to the word "eager.") My insides are in little knots, about every hour, I get this pang of fear that shoots through my body, I question whether or not I'm ready, I find myself waking up in the middle of the night frantically reciting the words to my music, etc.

There are things that may have attributed to this, I suppose. I waited til the last minute to memorize my music (though in between I was preparing for my general exams). I had my wreck back in January, so the next 6-8 months were vocally lost to pain meds and steroids. My teacher has started a new opera company and has enlisted my help, which took a good bit of my time. The new opera company's debut was last Saturday, so for the previous two weeks I had no voice lesson...not to mention that, since I usually have my lessons on Thursdays, I won't have one today either in favor of saving my voice for this evening. My accompanist's father passed away in the last month, so she was out prior to his passing, enjoying his company as much as she could...I don't fault her for that, mind you. I just wish I had more rehearsal time.

Anyway, again I ask for your prayers. At this point, I know there is little more I can do to get myself prepared for tonight, so I have decided to let go and give it all to God and let Him work it out for me. If I mess up, it's going to be okay. If I forget an word or an entrance, oh well. God willing, though, He will strengthen my mind and my body and give me the words and energy to give a glorious and entertaining performance. I look forward to hearing His miracles tonight, and I hope my audience does too!